Two Basic Parenting Principles

My two basic parenting principles are: Rely on a Power greater than yourself and Keep (or develop) a sense of humor. The simplicity of these principles may make you think that they couldn’t possibly help you deal with YOUR kid who:

Throws screaming tantrums until you give him what he wants.

Defies you and walks out of the house when you try to ground him.

Any other behavior that has your stress levels interfering with low flying aircraft.

But I’m here to tell you tht there’s nothing, short of psychotic behavior (which is waaay beyond the scope of what I’m talking about), these two principles–operating together–can’t solve.

Almost every successful parent I know has relied on a Higher Power, because raising good kids requires more emotional resources than any human being possesses. If you think you can handle everything yourself, you’re deluded but you’re not alone in your thinking. Too many people wear themselves into a frazzle trying to cope with tantrums, defiance, and emotional abuse, without turning to a support group gathered together in the name of a Supreme Being.

My second principle, Keep Your Sense of Humor, supplements your faith and allows you to avoid taking negative behaviors seriously.  If you can’t laugh at a situation, you may find yourself weeping.

I know, I know–some situations are not conducive to laughing.... Like the hotheaded teen who swears at you and refuses to abide by your rules.  When I say, “Keep or develop a sense of humor,” I mean you must look at things as positively as possible and must take control of your own emotions.

If your 14 year old yells that he hates you and you’re a bad parent, don’t start yelling back and calling him “lazy” or “stupid.” When you mirror his behavior, you reinforce it. Instead, tell him that you won’t allow yourself to be disrespected and direct him to a “mad” place to think things over. If he scorns you and leaves (or just crosses his arms and dares you to make him), go into his room and take his favorite clothes, electronic toys, etc. If you’re just starting to get rebellions, take a couple of things that you know he’ll miss. Lock them in the trunk of the car or some other place.

Note, that if he becomes physical about your actions (i.e. shoves or threatens you in any way), call 911. Never, and I do mean NEVER retaliate with physical force, if your kid is big enough to hurt you. Fist fights are not appropriate family activities.

Always try to de-escalate confrontations. Speak softly when your child yells. Say, “I love you” when she says, “I hate you.” If she’s upset and needs comforting, offer comfort. Hugs and expressions of affection go a long way toward calming angry feelings, no matter what the cause–for both the hugger and the huggee.

Send me your favorite de-escalating tips to heavenhelpusbeourbest@gmail.com.

Corrie Lynne Player