Some Wise Words About Life in Alaska

        A couple of weeks ago, my aunt sent my brother a message, “Read an article in the newspaper about a driver hitting a grizzly bear crossing the street in Anchorage! Wow.... Do I need to find you a cow thing like the trains used to have?”
He responded with a delightful description of life on the Last Frontier. With all the hoopla about Sarah Palin and angst going on right now, I thought you’d enjoy his point of view (we grew up there and I still have a piece of the family homestead).
Bears in the Streets?
C. Paxton Oborn
Anchorage is having a "wild time," thanks to the "idiot cheechokos" and "greenies" that think it is "cute" to have wild life wandering the streets. It all started with ducks and geese several years ago.  The mayor was a "greenie" and so the city started feeding the ducks and geese on city property.
Soon there were thousands of wild birds "walking around town."  It became nearly impossible to keep from stepping in bird "doo-doo" when walking across a Wal-Mart parking lot.  Within two years,  geese flying across the end of a runway brought down a military plane, killing 21.  Many commercial flights reported "near misses."  The city stopped feeding the birds, the military began shooting the birds (they aren't subject to our stupid local laws against killing wild life) and the city imported pigs to roam the airport.  Yes, pigs!  You see, pigs eat duck and geese eggs.  However, we, the people, still aren't allowed to disturb the birds.
What has this got to do with bears, you ask?  Well, stay tuned. All of this wild life walking the streets were attracting tourists.  So the Alaskan tradition of shooting moose during hunting season was outlawed anywhere in the Anchorage Bowl. This action might seem reasonable, if you don’t realize that the mountains around Anchorage have a lot of moose in them and NO PEOPLE. So, it’s always been a favorite hunting area because it’s close to town.
When people stopped shooting at them, the moose (who are not stupid) started to walk into town. It’s true that moose aren’t aggressive unless they have calves with them, but then ... they’ll stomp you.  They’re about the size of draft horses, so they can do a lot of stomping.
People started getting killed in their back yards (moose can step over a 6 foot fence), at school and on the roads.  Also, moose don't understand cars, so they walk out in front of cars all the time--without warning.  Our public officials’ response was to issue cautions, put up signs and teach school children to avoid moose like bad men with candy. They also hired more EMTs and ambulances, while the non-profit groups cleaned moose off the road and salvaged any usable meat (which wasn’t much--since the moose's guts explode when broad sided).
Now, we come to the bears.  Bears eat moose.  Since the moose had moved into town, the bears followed.  Unfortunately, bears are VERY aggressive, and so public officials made it illegal to "feed the bears".   People now have to keep their garbage in their houses until the garbage man comes, or face a $300 fine for each occurrence.
Believe it or not, tourists think it’s cute (if a little scary) to see bears wandering the streets.  The city has taken action however; they’re putting up large orange signs where anyone was seriously mauled.  If a certain bear is suspected of additional maulings, the police are allowed to shoot it, if they can find it--and are sure it’s the same bear.
However, now the real problem arises: wolves. As anyone who’s seen a National Geo-graphic Special knows, wolves are just Cute Big Dogs and don't deserve the reputation they’ve earned.  However, wolves also eat moose and we have lots of them in town.  Luckily, we have far more pets than moose so the wolves eat the pets, rather than moose or people, because we chain our pets up in our yards--making them easy prey. But, wolves are afraid of people--for the moment....
It is really fun living in the National Zoo.

Corrie Lynne Player