“Ordinary Families Doing Extraordinary Things”

To celebrate Foster Care Month in May, I want to tell you about some ordinary Utah families who are doing extraordinary things. In the words of one experienced father, “Fostering a child lends meaning to life and is one of the best, most profound ways you can contribute to your community.”

I’ve changed names and identifying details to protect privacy of those involved. These stories, more than anything, give weight to the argument that recruiting and retaining foster parents will lead to fewer prisons and drug rehabilitation programs in the future.

Tom and Amanda Craig came to foster parenting because Amanda grew up with foster kids.  Wanting to follow the example of her parents, Amanda and Tom turned to foster care.  Some of their placements were hyper active and had histories of violence.  But Amanda and Tom took all  available training and used their life experiences to heal angry kids. 

Today, Amanda and Tom share their lives with Timothy (10) and Melinda (5), adopted from the more than 12 children who came through their home.  They continue to work with struggling families and frightened children to find personal happiness and to make the world a better place.

Britanny and Andrew Cope, veterans of 25 years as foster parents, started with two little boys, ages 12 months and two years, who were given up by their mother and whom the Copes wanted to adopt.  After a year, the mother suddenly resurfaced and took the kids back. The children burned to death in an accidental fire set when they were left alone.  Devastated by the tragedy, Britanny takes comfort in the fact that current child protection laws wouldn’t have allowed the mother back in the picture after abandoning them for a year.

Today, the Copes have two foster children and two adopted former foster kids, in addition to their five grown children.  Fierce advocates for children, they encourage other people who want to make a difference to join them.

Another family, the Nelsons, specialize in children with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)--kids who have suffered multiple moves, including failed adoptions, and have significant bonding issues.  Shirley Nelson says the rewards come when she teaches them that they are entitled to food, hugs, and a warm bed--whether or not mommy or daddy had a good day.

Fifteen year old “Mary,” abandoned and emotionally abused, discovered a whole new life in a loving foster home.  She learned that parents usually support and care for their children, that children have the right to clean surroundings, good nutrition, and adequate clothing, that members of a family cherish one another.

“Her entire being changed,” said Mary’s social worker, “She didn’t just look better because she wore pretty clothes, her face opened up.” 

Mary learned social skills and how to wear make up.  She graduated from high school and studied horticulture in Job Corps.  Her certificate led her to form her own landscaping business.  Today, she’s married and has twin sons.

“Jake,” a 14 year old boy, had already been involved in petty crimes. Expelled from school for fighting, he ran wild; neither of his divorced parents could control him.  Finally, the courts declared him a “Minor in Need of Supervision.”  Placed in a structured foster home, he attended counseling three times a week.

His foster parents taught him about consequences and accountability.  He learned that nobody could “make” him angry–that he chose his responses to events.  After Jake’s parents relinquished their rights, he was adopted by an older couple who had raised their family, but who wanted to do more than hit golf balls in retirement.

Southern Utah families, couples, and single adults who want to “save the world one kid at a time” should contact Marissa at the Utah Foster Care Foundation, (435) 896-1232.